March 21, 2007
dream:

suddenly very snowy.  i am with marty (step-father) at the end of a driveway talking.  forget before that and after but then… i am in a hospital type place.  people all around doing their own things.  i am aware that this is a movie or i am making a documentary.  i am told it will be a few more minutes, so i will have to wait.  that is fine, i will look at these posters on the wall.  there are three of them, maybe slightly larger than a piece of paper.  the first has a drawing / diagram of a person (caucasion) with some writing below it.  it says under the human : WHITE.  the next poster has a black guy and it says : BLACK.  on the third is a hispanic looking man.  it says : HALF-WHITE.  I think “these people are stupid.  i must be in the eighties or something.”  chuckling at how this movie thing is going.  i am led into a room like an examining room, that seems to be extended into other rooms.  the doctor i am going to be speaking with is bald with the ring of hair- you know what i mean.  he says it will be another minute.  i walk around a little, then i notice some more posters.  these seem to be of the freaky looking baby / devil things i saw in the movie the passion (yeah, that passion- i wanted to see what all the fuss was about) right before i went to sleep.  yet- these are more freaky looking.  they look like bald babies, some with crazy burns on their skin and all with maniacal visages.  some look like they are sticking their arms into their heads.  like i can see the arm raised, as though it would be scratching the ear, but it keeps going into the head, like the hand is inside the brain.  as i’m realizing how truly freaky this is, and that the reason i am here is to document this occurance, and interview this doctor about these things, i look over at the doctor.  he is moving oddly, and making his way toward the corner of the room where the posters are.  as i look at his face, it develops an ashy appearance, like it was being burned from the inside, and his face is turning into one of the baby things.  i need to get out of there.  luckily the door was left open.  as i run to it, seeing all the people in the hall who could help me, the doctor baby shrieks and it slams shut.  i try the latch with my brain, hand, and foot, simultaneously.  it opens a few inches and shuts again, and does this three times, until i am suddenly standing in the hallway.  everyone here is a freaky baby / devil thing, and they are closing in on me.  i realize this isn’t a movie, but real, and i know i am powerless, so i do what i can- i yell.  a real life yell, that wakes me up.  like “whaaa!”  i am awake, and realize i woke myself from my dream.  i am completely freaked out. (yes, i know i have used the word freak more than i normally would, but that is how it happened in my internal dialogue.)  i go to the bathroom, and am truly shocked at my experience.  i pee in the sink and rinse my mouth with antiseptic mouthwash.  i can not get the images out of my head.  i try to lay back down.  i try to think of things to dream about, but every person, and every thing (tree, dog, etc..) melts before me and morphs into a freaky baby.  eventually i get back to sleep.  *the tokeo song “oun treu lord” is blasting in my head during the rest of this*…  (“how can i express my love for the one true lord?  lord satan..”)  i am in a very dark room with olivia, sheri, and maybe sheri’s daughters.  olivia and i are wanting to smoke pot, but sheri is not getting the hint.  she is trying to ask olivia about different people, and maybe she (olivia) can get some weed from them.  a few people are mentioned, but the only one i can remember now- we had a flash of a very very fat scary man, and we thought “NO NO”.  we are thinking “jeez, sheri has weed, why doesn’t she just give us some?”  and then sheri says, “well, what if i were to give you some” (or something like that- in a nasty tone)..  the moment she hands us a few small buds, i am in goodwell-kinda.  i am driving.  maybe i think i will drive on the railroad track.  hmm.  i can see a cop car further down the track and i think it sees me and will be coming after me.  i drive on the road very fast and retreat to our trailer-kinda.  inside, i think olivia went to sleep.  i am trying to sing along to the music i mentioned is blasting this whole time.  it is dark, but i can see.  occasionally, there are flashes, kind of like lightning, and only at these points do i see that the room is filled with demonic freaky baby goblins.  only when the light flashes are these present.  they are not there otherwise.  i am floating horizontally around the place, just thinking things.  it is very dark.  i hear a sound outside and float to a position where i can see out the window.  i see a futuristic looking truck with people inside.  they were seeing if the landlords in the trailer next to ours were in the office, which they weren’t.  as they were leaving, one girl somehow sees me through the window.  her eyes are transfixed as the vehicle backs up and turns to drive off.  then i awoke.
——————
i took olivia to work, and turned on npr.  i hear a story begin.  something like “we’re trying to reach davon, let’s see if he’s home… ” then davon’s voicemail message starts.  it is him singing sweetly.  “davon is a 15 year old tenth grader at ….”  then they are in davon’s school, and i fucking swear, one of the teachers said “make sure you turn in your lation reports….”

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